Truth

The Story of Me – Fatigue

The Oxford Dictionary describes the word fatigue with terms including:

  • exhaustion
  • extreme tiredness
  • reduced efficiency
  • lessened response/enthusiasm
  • weakness

and due to:

  • exertion
  • prolonged activity
  • overexposure
  • repeated variations of stress
  • menial tasks

Various dictionaries attribute the origins of the word fatigue to French and Latin words meaning to tire out and to satiety/surfeit (full or to excess, replete). We hear the word commonly used in relation to battle fatigue. Though the battle is not war as such, caring is a battle with the mainstream, systems, conformity, presumption, prejudice, invisibility, isolation…and this is an incomplete list.

 

As each individual is…well…an individual, but with similarities to other humans, so is each family, group, community, school, medical facility, government etc.

As a unique human, those things which fatigue me may not be the same as that which fatigues you. We may have some common struggles, and I may have some in common with another but that I don’t share with you.

 

Though this is by no means the only thing that I am fatigued by, forms and documents are exhausting just by the mention of them. Prolonged, overexposure; repeating the same information in different ways, on different forms, for different organisations, every visit/year; meniality; repletion; reduced efficiency and enthusiasm; exhaustion.

Some forms and documents have added stressors to them – applying for funding (asking others for financial assistance with my family, something I feel I should be responsible for); requirements to continually speak of my child/parent’s deficits; re-documenting a permanent, congenital condition…repeatedly, paying medical professionals, getting to appointments etc…

But forms generally now fill me with dread. The words I tell myself can be a help or a hindrance. For example, I can (even sub-consciously) tell myself this will take a lot of time, I will be required to get further medical/educational/allied health documents etc. or I could tell myself that this won’t take long and will then be out of the way, I have done these before so I know what I’m doing. But the efficacy of this process hinges on various contributing factors, which will differ each time I have forms to fill out. How tired I am already, how many forms I have had to fill out in recent days/weeks, do I have to work or attend meetings at this time…you get the idea.

 

Forms and paper work are one of the most difficult tasks for me to complete, simple as they may be in and of themselves (appointments for professional support documents notwithstanding).

For you, it may be other things like:

  • social outings
  • education settings
  • hospital/doctor visits
  • family get-togethers
  • a visit to the hairdressers

The list is endless, and unique to each of us, our children, family and season of life.

 

I have Form/Document Fatigue. What fatigues you?

 

2/10/2018

 

Grateful!

I am grateful for a great many things, some of them healthy and positive in and of themselves; others healthy and positive because I learned, as I was being taught, something/s healthy and ultimately positive, subsequent to those initial “things”.

I am grateful to have grown up with Christian parents; I am also grateful that my parents were first generation Christians, without historical and generational ties to systems, theories, expectations and presumptions – free to learn relationship with their designer and restorer according to design and his character – relatively unencumbered; I am also grateful to see the finite, independent, human tendency to box, enshrine and sequentially define persons and groups, even in those less encumbered (including myself) – we are all human, finite and dependent by design.

I am also, in a broad sense, grateful to be living outside of most “boxes” – some naturally so, others a fight to leave or to stay out of; in the moment, though, living outside of the boxes (and standing for others who do) is hard work, painful, lonely, exhausting; grateful to have been studying community services, learning new experiences of humanity from fellow students and teachers (community servers) – and/or further definition or refinement of my own experience/understanding of humanity.

I am grateful to be the sibling of three other “out-of-the-box” thinkers; I am ultimately (though not in the moment) grateful for the conflict this brings as we challenge each other with regard to our own boxes; I am especially grateful that our love of, and loyalty to each other is not diminished, regardless.

I am grateful that my design by, and restoration to, the image bearing inheritance of the creator – refined by experiential, reflective, learning, growth – led me to tune in to the children granted to me, largely independent of boxes and main streams; my gratefulness also extends to their forgiveness for when I have slipped back into boxes, inadvertently or intentionally tried to box them, and painfully, gradually had to recognise the imaginary nature of said boxes.

Though not true of every day, today I am grateful to be human; today I am grateful to have been designed for a dependent, love relationship with my designer; today I am grateful to have been designed for an interdependent, love relationship with other humans; today I am grateful I’m being restored to be more authentically human, more humbly human – living in acknowledgment of, and according to, the truth of who my designer is, who each of my fellow humans are, and who I truly am in relation to these other truths.

…grateful…

28/5/2017

You

What’s in your heart?

Are you afraid to see?

Will it be what they’ve told you?

What you think it will be?

 

What is more frightening,

The truth or the lies?

In truth, is there freedom?

In falsehood, bondage and ties?

 

Around your heart’s surface,

Have you set up a shield?

Detachment, a pretence

For what your inner-heart feels?

 

Your outer-wall surface,

Your shield around self,

Is not intrinsically you,

But sheathing observed on a shelf

 

The inner-most substance

Of your design before time

By internalized truth and love

Is being strengthened, refined

 

21/10/2016

Honesty

Lies:  more than mistakes

Control:  more than well-intentioned

Neglect:  more than forgetfulness

 

Ignorance:  more than uneducated

Prejudice:  more than difference

Abuse:  more than self-expression

 

Honesty:  more than truth

Integrity:  more than honour

Virtue:  more than principal