Students

The Story of Me – Begin…

I could start at the beginning. I could pretend I know my ending, and work backwards. I could give you the bleached version, the raw version…

Welcome to the as-it-comes ‘story of me’, and I’ll begin where I am.

I am at graduation. Graduating from seventeen years, three children, and parenting through school (including my own first academic qualification).

Would I do things differently? Well, that would be to pretend I could be different to who I have been at any given moment. So, if I had my time over (pretending again), I’m guessing it would be exactly the same. Are there things I regret – conversations, actions, reactions, beliefs, values? Of course! Which shows I’ve grown; reflected; learned; processed; become more wholly myself. Not arrived, but arriving.

 

One of the most painful paths of my journey has been going through the school years as a parent (and I didn’t much like most of my own school years). A parent with children who experience the world outside of the mainstream.

There was some seasonal epilepsy, which was met with compassion. We brought with us allergy and eczema, which was largely dismissed, or used to shame and control. Blindness and emotion, though, were largely to be feared, seen as a threat, and handled by protecting ignorance, the status quo. Essentially, self-preservation of staff and systems (even outdated/non-recommended systems) – at the expense of…my children. Not just their academic education, I had been learning how I would facilitate that since before they were born anyway. But their sense of self, individuality, place in the world, contribution to the world, belonging in the world, was undermined at almost every opportunity.

 

To those of you who embraced my children (though few in number), drawing them into community and thereby being changed and changing yourself as a result of being in each other’s worlds, thank you.

Thank you for learning to do and say and model differently to your preferences, so that my children could learn in the ways they needed to. Thank you for engaging with their ways and their person – especially those of you who saw each of my children as their individual selves. Not as one, identical. Thank you to the ones who naturally did these things, and thank you especially to those of you who responded positively to change when challenged by my children.

I thank you because you are/were rare. Like an endangered species, hard to find, at risk of extinction, often being slowly extinguished by systems. Thank you to those of you who are like my secondary school teacher sister-in-law, psychologist/teacher uncle, and primary school teacher/principal uncle; those who are like my mother, who intuitively tuned in to the individual; individuals like my father, who learned to listen and learn from others (experimenting, modelling and teaching what he learnt), and standing boldly for those who had no voice.

 

Sadly, to be a ‘shifter’ in a mainstream system is not easy, painless, comfortable, or the way to make and keep friends easily.

So, kudos to those who will shift and be shifted for the benefit of the other, and consequently for the benefit of the whole… us.

1/1/2018

More Stories to come

Ability, Intelligence, Education, Parenting

I have just watched a TED talk by Ken Robinson, Bring On The Learning Revolution.

I have heard many teachers say that they and parents are in partnership in educating our children. I’ve witnessed a much smaller number of them actually modelling their belief in and value of that statement. Another often-stated but not-as-often modelled belief or value is that we all (including each child) are individuals, and diverse.

Ken’s talk resonated with me for a number of reasons, as have many other groups and movements that are modelling the knowledge and understanding of whole-person and whole-community development; Mainly Music Men’s Shed’s and Kid’s Hope to name a few.

Observing what someone is interested in and then engaging with them where they are, and taking them further in their experiences (and consequently ourselves) is the best way to teach and to learn. Children learn this way in their early years at home so why do we change that method of learning, unless it is to achieve conformity or make the life of the educator easier. I am fully aware that educators are so busy already as are families, but could it be that this seems too difficult or time consuming because we view it as adding to our current method of formal education rather than a whole new way of thinking, educating and interacting; or perhaps a return to a less “intellectualised” but more holistically productive learning experience. As I’ve observed some families, and many of the educators of my children, I’ve witnessed their seeming astonishment that the children they wish to “educate” are inattentive, disengaged, even hostile.

What is it we value as productive? Achieving a particular person or groups goals for all, or encouraging each member of our families and communities to reach their own potential, within their own unique design, in the time it takes rather than in the time I’m willing to contribute to said potential? Guided learning is necessary, I learn from those who have been where I’m heading or fulfilled what I’m seeking to achieve. Although I will learn these things in relation to my unique design, experience, passion, age, culture, and…relationship to my educator.

I think that relationship also has a huge role to play in our learning. The best communicators develop a rapport with their audience, a positive relationship. I think that too many educators are fulfilling a task, achieving a goal, advancing a career; we learn from people we have a relationship with. Not necessarily the most intimate, but positive or rewarding in some way. The teachers that were the most engaging for me were the ones I felt connected to in some way, sometimes through humour, sometimes a connection outside of school, similar interests…The best teachers I have seen in my children’s classrooms are the ones who seem to understand or see into the personality of the child. This has included their tastes and family, fears and ease or difficulty with the school system – and they have adjusted, accommodated accordingly. This is possible, I have seen it happen spontaneously by some and I believe it can be taught and modelled and encouraged for others. But it will take quite a shift in thinking and a fairly large dose of empathy.

Ken Robinson mentioned the comment of a friend, “You know, a three year old is not half a six year old!” I would venture to say that a three year old is not another three year old known to you either. Nor is one boy or girl another boy or girl. Each sibling in a family is not the same as the others. And for those with a diagnosis of some kind, each is not the same as another…and each has their own potential to realise, as themselves. I will be advanced along my journey to reaching full potential too, as I walk alongside those I can encourage along their own journey. How fulfilling, holistic!

I’ll finish with a quote from Ken Robinson on TED:

 Human communities depend upon a diversity of talent, not a singular conception of ability. At the heart of our challenge is to reconstitute our understanding of ability and of intelligence.