Smile

This, Too, Is Ok…

One of my children had a favourite type of toy; a series of multiple sized plastic fish, in a scoop shape so that they stacked together. These ‘fish’ went everywhere. They were the best kind of favourite or security toy as they were able to be washed regularly throughout the day – in the bath, in the sink. Whenever washing of the child took place, so did washing of the fish. Although the washing had to be taught as part of the bathing etc. process, it was not automatic. As I said, the fish went everywhere. Learning to climb the ladder of the slide was done, fish in hand. Swinging was done, fish in hand. The fish went to kindergarten, to church (and tapped out the rhythm of the songs), weddings…everywhere.

It turned out, that the ‘scoop’ shape was a large part of the attraction. As the scoops from the ground coffee made their way into the toy collection, they became favourites as well. As did the washed scoops from the laundry detergent, and eventually we moved on to egg shells. Not plastic, real out-of-the-bum-of-a-chook egg shells. Every time I/we cooked with eggs, the most complete halves of the shells were washed and left on the window sill to dry. As one shell broke, it was replaced with another from the window sill. Eventually, vegetable peelings were the go, and as this one would fall asleep in the car the peelings would collect beside and behind car seats and on the floor.

Though none of these things were a bother to me in themselves (as my son with hair clips and nail polish were not, nor my girls wearing tiaras and wings to church or weddings, and one with band-aids on clothes), I was concerned that some learning was actually hindered by the constant presence of something in the hand, about an obsessive attachment to the objects themselves (which was in the nature of the child in question) and perhaps a few other considerations. So we embarked on a progressive process of experience and detachment.

One step we walked through was to leave the fish in one’s bag at kindergarten, and take them out again for the trip home. Once we got to egg shells, this particular child was part of the cleaning process (though probably only once in a while, I did most of this). We then began to use whole eggs to play with in a bowl. We would practice cracking them open into the bowl with, hopefully, two whole halves. Then my child was allowed to ‘play’ with it all, swishing hands in the raw egg, stirring etc. Once the play was completed, to end the experience the shell was crushed and stirred in as part of the fun. The shell was then known to have been destroyed and told that it could not be repaired. The shells on the sill were still available for a time while this play continued. Eventually I told this child how many shells were left on the window sill, and that once they had all been broken I would not be leaving any more up there. They were counted down as we went through them, giving fair, advanced notice of the time/day when they would no longer be available. The plastic toys were still available until the child grew out of the desire for them, as children usually do throughout their development.

This all happened over some years. It was not accomplished in a week, or a month. It was not begun because I, or someone else, was uncomfortable or embarrassed with this child’s preferred method or objects of play. It was not attended to so that this child would conform and be like any other child (or, heaven forbid, any adult). We took this child’s personality and temperament, age and interests, foreseeable future needs and potential desires into account. Then thought outside of the square, while looking into the child and our own family life.

And the result…a practically grown, independent, well-adjusted young adult – who just doesn’t happen to be able to see.

Don’t fret, be creative and imaginative… this, too, is ok.

For The Love Of A Child

When I said I’d love you always

When I said, no matter what

When I said I’d hold within my arms

Whoever I begot

Well, I meant all I was saying

Well, I meant every single word

Well, I meant in all sincerity

I’d adore my little bird

 

So, sing my little songbird

So, sing in your own way

So, sing with voice, or print, or hand

Sing while you are at play

You speak in different tones sometimes

You speak without a sound

You speak from deep within your soul

Like no other I have found

 

Though they see incapacity

Though they see a misfit

Though they see their life hindered

I see my life on fire; lit

New vision now have I

New vision now could they

New vision now could all embrace

Oh try, now, while you may

 

 

4/5/2014

Motherhood Surprise

Oh mother, you did not expect

All with me, you received

Along with joy of our new life

I know you’ll need to grieve.

I’m some of what you thought I’d be

I’m small and need your care

But care might be understating

All you think you’ll have to bear.

 

It may be that my eyes won’t see

Your face and smile at you

Or perhaps I’ll never hear you say

You love me when I’m blue.

I may not walk or you may have to

Fit on me a brace

At school it might be hard to run

You may not watch me race.

 

But I will bring you joys untold

Just you wait and see

With every small accomplishment

Or great, in victory.

If I never look you in the eye

Or hold a conversation grand

We’ll find new ways to show our love

As us, is how we’ll stand

 

So don’t you fret now, mother

We don’t always get what we expect

Sometimes we get much greater gifts

Than we imagined, when plans were set.

We’re going to meet new people

Have adventures great and small

And when we’re done with all things new

We’re going to learn and meet some more.

 

 

4/5/2014