Parenting

Ability, Intelligence, Education, Parenting

I have just watched a TED talk by Ken Robinson, Bring On The Learning Revolution.

I have heard many teachers say that they and parents are in partnership in educating our children. I’ve witnessed a much smaller number of them actually modelling their belief in and value of that statement. Another often-stated but not-as-often modelled belief or value is that we all (including each child) are individuals, and diverse.

Ken’s talk resonated with me for a number of reasons, as have many other groups and movements that are modelling the knowledge and understanding of whole-person and whole-community development; Mainly Music Men’s Shed’s and Kid’s Hope to name a few.

Observing what someone is interested in and then engaging with them where they are, and taking them further in their experiences (and consequently ourselves) is the best way to teach and to learn. Children learn this way in their early years at home so why do we change that method of learning, unless it is to achieve conformity or make the life of the educator easier. I am fully aware that educators are so busy already as are families, but could it be that this seems too difficult or time consuming because we view it as adding to our current method of formal education rather than a whole new way of thinking, educating and interacting; or perhaps a return to a less “intellectualised” but more holistically productive learning experience. As I’ve observed some families, and many of the educators of my children, I’ve witnessed their seeming astonishment that the children they wish to “educate” are inattentive, disengaged, even hostile.

What is it we value as productive? Achieving a particular person or groups goals for all, or encouraging each member of our families and communities to reach their own potential, within their own unique design, in the time it takes rather than in the time I’m willing to contribute to said potential? Guided learning is necessary, I learn from those who have been where I’m heading or fulfilled what I’m seeking to achieve. Although I will learn these things in relation to my unique design, experience, passion, age, culture, and…relationship to my educator.

I think that relationship also has a huge role to play in our learning. The best communicators develop a rapport with their audience, a positive relationship. I think that too many educators are fulfilling a task, achieving a goal, advancing a career; we learn from people we have a relationship with. Not necessarily the most intimate, but positive or rewarding in some way. The teachers that were the most engaging for me were the ones I felt connected to in some way, sometimes through humour, sometimes a connection outside of school, similar interests…The best teachers I have seen in my children’s classrooms are the ones who seem to understand or see into the personality of the child. This has included their tastes and family, fears and ease or difficulty with the school system – and they have adjusted, accommodated accordingly. This is possible, I have seen it happen spontaneously by some and I believe it can be taught and modelled and encouraged for others. But it will take quite a shift in thinking and a fairly large dose of empathy.

Ken Robinson mentioned the comment of a friend, “You know, a three year old is not half a six year old!” I would venture to say that a three year old is not another three year old known to you either. Nor is one boy or girl another boy or girl. Each sibling in a family is not the same as the others. And for those with a diagnosis of some kind, each is not the same as another…and each has their own potential to realise, as themselves. I will be advanced along my journey to reaching full potential too, as I walk alongside those I can encourage along their own journey. How fulfilling, holistic!

I’ll finish with a quote from Ken Robinson on TED:

 Human communities depend upon a diversity of talent, not a singular conception of ability. At the heart of our challenge is to reconstitute our understanding of ability and of intelligence.

 

For The Love Of A Child

When I said I’d love you always

When I said, no matter what

When I said I’d hold within my arms

Whoever I begot

Well, I meant all I was saying

Well, I meant every single word

Well, I meant in all sincerity

I’d adore my little bird

 

So, sing my little songbird

So, sing in your own way

So, sing with voice, or print, or hand

Sing while you are at play

You speak in different tones sometimes

You speak without a sound

You speak from deep within your soul

Like no other I have found

 

Though they see incapacity

Though they see a misfit

Though they see their life hindered

I see my life on fire; lit

New vision now have I

New vision now could they

New vision now could all embrace

Oh try, now, while you may

 

 

4/5/2014

Looking Back

As I think back over the journey of having children who happen to be blind, I see so much that I would never have known or experienced without them.

Yes, the obvious of parenting; the marvel of new life, dependance, sleeplessness, responsibility…But so much more!

How the body works; theirs, mine, other children’s and their family members we’ve met. How the body works differently when genes or brains or – whatever – don’t operate as they were designed to. How differently bodies and minds and emotions and souls and families work, for recognised and unrecognised reasons. So many varied ways to overcome obstacles – our own or culture’s; physical, emotional, attitudinal. The dreaded P word (perseverance, ugh!), patience, wonder, ‘aha’ moments, creative thinking, someone else’s creative thinking, the excitement and frustration of difference…Oh my, and so much more!

I would most like to mention just now a phrase I learned, used by some Early Childhood Educators who worked with our children, “We do a lot of sitting on our hands!” Hand-sitting. I have found that hand-sitting is a good principal to follow in many of our relationships, not just in teaching children with a vision impairment a new concept or activity. I must confess right off that this is a struggle for me also, especially when I’m weary or stressed or in unfamiliar surroundings. The desire or need to be ‘hands on’ sometimes seems overwhelming, but it is not.

If the child (or in fact adult) who is blind does not experience for themselves, they rarely if ever learn what is being taught. Once they have concrete experiential knowledge, learning in theory may take place, but there must be a foundation of experiential learning for the mind to develop new learning from. Now, this is true of everybody, but the individual who is blind (particularly a child in the company of an authority figure) often has their opportunities for  independent experience taken from them. Guided learning is necessary, important and valuable, unfortunately we too often do an activity for rather than guide through.

As I have said, I still do not do this every time. So valuable, even imperative, is it to guide through, that I am at the very least frustrated with myself whenever I have neglected to be attentive to do so. I have heard of some adults describing hand-over-hand coaction as being similar to covering the eyes of someone with sight while expecting them to see. My children have gained little to no information from something while coaction is occurring. This can be very difficult for a parent or teacher, or therapist to conceive of, especially when we consider that it is an acceptable practice when working with many other types of difference. I believe, though, that we often use this principal in other places where it would be more productive for, and less offensive to, those with whom we are seeking to be of benefit if we guided in less intrusive ways. Learning to be more descriptive is of inestimable value, just as the use of pictorial guidance has been enlightening, less intrusive and effective for many of those on the Autism Spectrum and people alongside them.

Alongside! Mick and Ruby Duncan from New Zealand live a life of serving others which they call “Alongsiders”. If we’re going to do a lot of “hand sitting”, I think we will also be doing a lot of “along siding” and both inhibit the problem of intruding. Physically, emotionally, socially, mentally; intruding is not only offensive to those we intrude upon but counterproductive to any kind of independence, interdependence, maturity, individuality or self-actualisation we are seeking to encourage. It will take some self-control. It will take some empathy. It will take some soul and attitudinal searching of ourselves. But the personal benefits are also incredible! Less pressure, on us and those we’re working or living with. Less tension in relationships. Less frustration when our own ways are not adopted. And those we love, serve, teach and care for will want us alongside them. And they will become who they were  designed to be and interact with the world as they were designed to interact with it, and us.

I am not advocating that we leave ourselves and others as we are. I believe we thrive when we grow and learn, and I believe we need to learn things that we are not familiar or comfortable with and are sometimes afraid of. But how we learn and teach is important. Understanding how someone learns is imperative for beneficial, productive teaching. Parents, families, teachers, therapists, lecturers, doctors, nurses, others…lets first understand how we learn and love, then try to understand how others learn and love…then lets learn and love together!