Community

Grateful!

I am grateful for a great many things, some of them healthy and positive in and of themselves; others healthy and positive because I learned, as I was being taught, something/s healthy and ultimately positive, subsequent to those initial “things”.

I am grateful to have grown up with Christian parents; I am also grateful that my parents were first generation Christians, without historical and generational ties to systems, theories, expectations and presumptions – free to learn relationship with their designer and restorer according to design and his character – relatively unencumbered; I am also grateful to see the finite, independent, human tendency to box, enshrine and sequentially define persons and groups, even in those less encumbered (including myself) – we are all human, finite and dependent by design.

I am also, in a broad sense, grateful to be living outside of most “boxes” – some naturally so, others a fight to leave or to stay out of; in the moment, though, living outside of the boxes (and standing for others who do) is hard work, painful, lonely, exhausting; grateful to have been studying community services, learning new experiences of humanity from fellow students and teachers (community servers) – and/or further definition or refinement of my own experience/understanding of humanity.

I am grateful to be the sibling of three other “out-of-the-box” thinkers; I am ultimately (though not in the moment) grateful for the conflict this brings as we challenge each other with regard to our own boxes; I am especially grateful that our love of, and loyalty to each other is not diminished, regardless.

I am grateful that my design by, and restoration to, the image bearing inheritance of the creator – refined by experiential, reflective, learning, growth – led me to tune in to the children granted to me, largely independent of boxes and main streams; my gratefulness also extends to their forgiveness for when I have slipped back into boxes, inadvertently or intentionally tried to box them, and painfully, gradually had to recognise the imaginary nature of said boxes.

Though not true of every day, today I am grateful to be human; today I am grateful to have been designed for a dependent, love relationship with my designer; today I am grateful to have been designed for an interdependent, love relationship with other humans; today I am grateful I’m being restored to be more authentically human, more humbly human – living in acknowledgment of, and according to, the truth of who my designer is, who each of my fellow humans are, and who I truly am in relation to these other truths.

…grateful…

28/5/2017

Fear

By Stuart McDonald, Accredited Exercise Physiologist.

I said in my last post that we can let fear be, allow it to exist in us, to be there, real and potent.
I do not say that we should pander to fear, seek it out or do nothing about it. Rather, I say that fear is something that is legitimate and that we experience for a very good reasons – even if we can’t work out what that reason is…

When we experience fear, our body changes in many different ways. In the brain, certain circuits fire up, and certain hormones are released throughout the body. Our muscles react, our breathing changes, our blood vessels change, our memory systems become more potent and our body wants to do something about the fear. It is as we suppress the fear – as we push it down, pretending it is not there or fooling ourselves into believing we shouldn’t feel fear – that we don’t allow the body to respond.
Not allowing the body to do what it is most naturally made to do – and not allowing it to do that thing over and over again – will result in the body finding other ways to express that fear. Typically, it will be things like: Sudden, explosive reactions to fearful events; sudden angry outbursts; physical and verbal aggression; agitation; constantly tense muscles; anxiety attacks; guilt and depressive symptoms; poor sleep quality; stress-related symptoms – cardiovascular issues, breathing issues, metabolic issues.
Sounds stupid, doesn’t it?
Well, that’s the body and it’s not stupid, it’s beautiful and amazing and sensible.
You see, there is no “mind-body” connection. That’s an old idea and it’s a little outdated. By about 20 years. What there is, is a “mind-body” (see what I did there? No connection). The mind and the body meticulously interplay, they intertwine and feed one into the other. Your mind and sense of self is only what it is because it receives information all the time from your body – and your body is what it is because it is changed by the mind, which responds to your body (and your external environment).
When the fear instils itself in your body, it is a conscious representation of the emotion of fear that your non-conscious self is responding to. The body is changed because of the fear – there is a perceived threat of some sort – and the non-conscious self makes that fear accessible – you become aware of the fearful changes in your body and interpret those as “I am afraid”.
Now, I don’t know bout you but when I ignore internal states like that – say, oh, I don’t know, like a full bladder – that can end up all kinds of messy. And smelly. It works like this: the muscles of the bladder stretch as the bladder fills up and they constantly send a signal to the brain. When they stretch a certain amount, that signal changes and the brain then brings the signal into the awareness of your conscious self – you become aware that the bladder is (almost) full. It was filling up and the signal was going to the brain all that time but you were only made aware of it once the signal needed to be dealt with.
You only became aware of the signal once the signal needed to be dealt with.
Fear, too, has a signal. It is one that occurs throughout the whole body – it’s more of a combination of a host of signals – there’s the central neurological one, but there’s a whole lot of other ones as well, depending on the thing you’re afraid of. They can be physical stimuli (that muscle is stretching too much!) and they can be cognitive stimuli (There’s no way in heaven I can pass that exam!). Once the signal needs to be dealt with, the body makes the conscious self aware of it. The body was always sending the signal to the non conscious self, but it brings it into awareness when we need to deal with it.
And so, like a full bladder, fear is simply an experience the body wants you to deal with so that everything can feel a little bit more balanced, a little more okay.
The body brings the signal about the bladder into our awareness when it’s time to deal with it. And the body brings the fear into our awareness when it’s time to deal with it. And so we shouldn’t suppress the fear or pretend it’s not there or tell ourselves we shouldn’t feel that fear (you shouldn’t feel you need to do a pee?). It is instead a time to understand the fear; to explore the fear; to ask if the fear is warranted or not, grounded or not in truth? Or is it just my opinion?
When we are children, we do not know how to understand the signals about our bladder. Then we learn to. In the human body, if you don’t use it, you lose it. And so, with fear – if for 15, 20, 45 years we have stopped listening to our fear and have instead been suppressing it, running from it, pretending it doesn’t exist or feeling guilty about it (small or large) then we will need to rest ourselves like children again, children learning to go to the toilet. We will need to learn once again to listen to the signals of fear, to understand the body’s language, and understand what it is about this fear that is important. And like children toilet training, that is a thing that takes time and lots of frustration. And it is most rewarding.
It’s probably best to do this at a safe time, and not when the lion (metaphorical or real) is chasing us. In that case, just run. It’s what your body wants 🙂

Stuart McDonald

I Choose…

I Choose

I choose to be seen, heard, accepted, loved and chosen…I commit to do the same.

So, International Women’s Day has been and gone. Lots of articles and videos on great women leaders, carers, adventurers and survivors – which I didn’t read. Of the myriad offerings, I watched one video and read one article on domestic violence. I have a very few observations to share from that which I have either witnessed or experienced:

1. I agree with those who tell us that emotional, verbal, psychological and spiritual abuse, are abuse. Also that one or all of the above are pre-cursors to physical and sexual abuse.

2. I agree with health care professionals, researchers and survivors that violence of any kind, including those above which you may think aren’t really violence, escalates without intervention and doesn’t ever get better by itself. (For Christians reading this, a ‘God moment’ is intervention…by God!)

3. Domestic violence isn’t just from spouses (of whatever genre you have) or parents of children and teens. Extended family, their friends and parents of adults abuse too, that includes emotional and verbal.

4. Both spouses can be abusing each other, including physically – and both are abusers, and both are victims. Look up co-dependancy.

5. Emotional and psychological abuse of woman over man, is abuse.

And finally a few insights from Brene BrownDaring Greatly – How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead.

When shame becomes a management style, engagement dies.

Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust.

Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.

Vulnerability without boundaries leads to disconnection, distrust and disengagement.

We need to feel trust to be vulnerable and we need to be vulnerable in order to trust.

The result of this mutually respectful vulnerability is increased connection, trust, and engagement.

Thanks for your time.

 

This Journey

If I could draw a picture of

This journey travelled on my own,

What story would it tell you,

Which colours would have shown?

 

The beginning would be darkness

New realities unseen

Goals obscured and jaded

Mist and fog my only scene

 

But with you, my eyes are opened

You each shine light on paths ahead

Darkness fading in the wake

Of information shared

 

I see movement, light and colour

A future hope for me and mine

You each brought hue and shade and pigment

If left alone, no sun would shine

 

Thank you all for being part

Of this journey of my life

And for the pieces of your own path

That brought promise into mine.

 

 

15/1/2015

For SPEVI

 

International Day Of People With A Disability

Please

Please don’t make uninformed assumptions about my needs or requirements.

My peers and I will learn prejudice from good-intentioned ignorance.

 

Please don’t demand my independence without teaching it.

My peers and I will learn dis-ability.

 

Please don’t demand I ask for or receive help at your demand.

My peers and I will learn that I’ve no right to my own life and choices.

 

Please don’t decide my contribution based on your time constraints, energy level, prejudices, fears, and assumptions.

My peers and I will learn my only right is to live by another’s leave.

 

Please don’t decide what provision you can offer me after the funding’s been spent on everyone else’s needs first.

My peers and I will learn that my needs are wants, and not necessity.

 

Please don’t decide to ‘do for me’ what would make you feel good, important, needed, helpful.

My peers and I will learn that how you make me feel is irrelevant.

 


 

Please ask me what my needs or requirements are, or someone who has already found out what my needs are.

You can then meet the ones you are equipped and/or employed to.

 

Please ask me what independence means to me, or someone who has already found out what independence could mean and how it can be achieved for me.

You can then make informed choices about teaching it.

 

Please ask if I want/need help, and what help that might be.

You can then ‘help’ instead of hinder me.

 

Please ask me what contribution I would like to make.

You and I together can then negotiate and problem-solve our mutual contributions.

 

Please ask yourself and/or us all how our funds will best meet the needs of the group, school, community, family, country…

You and I will then each be acknowledging and meeting each other’s needs.

 

Please ask me how I feel.

You may develop:

empathy more so than sympathy

compassion more so than frustration

growth more so than ignorance

community more so than isolation

 

3/12/2014

The Opportunity of Adversity – Aimee Mullins

Aimee Mullins speaking at TED.

Aimee says it all, need I say more?

“Adversity isn’t an obstacle that we need to get around in order to resume living our life. It’s part of of our life.”

Our responsibility is not simply shielding those we care for from adversity, but preparing them too meet it well.”

“There’s an important difference, and distinction, between the objective medical fact of my being and amputee, and the subjective societal opinion of whether or not I’m disabled.”

“We have to be careful that we don’t put the first brick in a wall that will actually disable somebody.”

“By not treating the wholeness of a person, by not acknowledging their potency, we are creating another ill on top of whatever natural struggle they might have. We are effectively grading someone’s worth to our community. So, we need to see through the pathology and into the range of human capability.”

“Adversity is just change that we haven’t adapted ourselves to yet.”

“No prognosis can account for how powerful (could be) the determinant of the quality of someone’s life.”

…And, as others have said…

“I think that the only true disability, is a crushed spirit.”